Today, I give you the middle finger!

Usually I don’t write when I’m super angry or in a bad mood. I probably should do it more often, honestly, so I can get everything out. So in advance I will apologize for any swear words that make it through.
Today is one of those days where you wake up mad at the world. Not at any one in particular but just mad in general. I have had a pretty good run with out one of these days but lately my mood has been going from shitty to shittier. I’m so flipping irritated and I think today might be one of those days where the mood sticks and I can’t get rid of it. If you’ve never had one of those day then count yourself lucky.
I’m frustrated by my kids being lazy blank blanks, I’m frustrated with myself for not losing this F’ing weight, I’m frustrated with ongoing mess in the house and I’m frustrated with this crazy skin condition that my daughter has to deal with. Pair all that with not getting enough sleep last night and I feel like my head should have the top blown off like in the commercial with purple smoke coming out of it.
My kids lately have been lazy F’ers ( some may disagree, but sometimes it’s ok to think of your kids this way because they do, in all reality, cause a lot of grief and disarray in ones life…worth it because we love them and they also bring joy…but it’s ok to admit that they are Aholes sometimes) not getting their homework/ chores done but then wanting me to cart their asses all over creation so they can have fun. I don’t give a shit that it’s spring time and summer’s around the corner and they tend to get a little lazier. I really don’t care, they still need to get their stuff done and not give me crap or try to run the guilt trip train on me. Oh you’re not a nice mom because…fill in the blank, or, so and so’s mom lets them do it….Believe me I can show you a not nice mom and you’re not someone else’s child so too flipping bad!
My weight has been a steady 185 and even though I’ve been waking up at a God awful hour to go to the gym, it’s not helping. I suppose it’s helping me not gain more weight but it sure isn’t helping me lose it either. I actually don’t even mind going to the gym but because I have to go so early that it cuts into my sleep time truly pisses me off when I don’t see any results! But seriously the only person I have to be mad at is myself. I’ve developed some very bad eating habits over the last year and I’m paying the price for that. I’m so mad at myself for not eating as well as I know I can and have. The good thing I suppose to come out of this anger is that I’m more motivated to not eat crap.
My poor daughter will probably benefit from a stricter diet too. This little amazing thing (who has kind of turned into a demanding witch, which is actually not like her…maybe comes with the age) is suffering from severe psoriasis. Every day we are out in public some one has to make a comment about her appearance ( great, now here come the waterworks) and it breaks my heart because it’s not her fault she has this problem and it seems like nothing is helping and it’s just getting worse! She went from spots on her ears and cheeks, to spots all over her body, face, scalp, arms and legs. Her legs are the worst! Since December these things have gone from a few spots to what almost look like cuffs around her legs. Last night I tried to put her medicine on and she was crying so much because it hurts when I touch her legs that I just stopped. I got one application out of three on and that was just going to have to be good enough. Nothing hurts a mother’s heart more than seeing her child suffer. I would gladly be covered in her spots and patches if it meant she didn’t have to go through the pain and irritation of this stupid disease.
I suppose after all that I really shouldn’t complain about a messy house. And I guess in all reality it’s not that bad but it can’t stay this way and we are slowly sorting it out, but some days you just want things to be done. I want that freaking EASY button! We put off working on our house for about 5 months to get my other house fixed up so it could be put on the market. Every free weekend, every day that I had time. Dragging the kids back and forth. Eating crappy fast food because I was too tired or it was too late to cook a decent meal. Working while we were sick and cursing myself on the days I was too sick to work. Wearing myself out and making myself crazy. Definitely not a labour of love, just labour. So glad it’s over but that leaves me with a neglected house that now has to be dealt with. Today is probably not the best day to tackle it, or maybe it is! I’m in that mood of throw everything out! Kids don’t want to listen, get rid of all their crap. Eating bad? Throw away everything in the fridge and cabinets that I don’t think we should eat. My old crap that I keep dragging around can go in the garbage, the past is the past. I really hate when I feel like this. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want see anyone I just want to stew. What I don’t want is people trying to “fix” it or giving me advice or making suggestions ect which tends to happen when people know you’re in a bad mood. What I really want is to be left alone to have some quiet in my head because sometimes these bad mood fires need time to fizzle out on their own. Lord I hope this is not the beginning stages of menopause…

Hi I'm Lynn, stay at home "momprenuer" to four little chitlins. Just trying to make it in this crazy world with my sanity intact! Would love to connect! @crazypeach on Instagram & pinterest. @cr8zPeach on twitter, cr8zypeach on Tumblr and Lynn Guthrie-Robinson on FB

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