Monday I smoked the last cigarette in the pack and I said it was going to be the last one I smoke. I am quitting, again. I have to say though the last time I quit it was for over ten years, so I know its very doable for me. The thing that I realize about my smoking habit and I’ve actually known for a while, was that I smoke out of stress. Sometimes I smoke in the social settings, you know, when having a few drinks but usually it’s just stress related. Funny thing is I smoke so little that most people don’t even know that I smoke. I don’t feel like I need to hide it (obviously). I try not to smoke around people that don’t smoke because I think it’s rude. I try not to do it while on hangout’s but it’s happened. I can take it or leave it and I know that now I can leave it. It wasn’t the smoking that was the real problem and when I decided that I was done with them, it wasn’t really the smoking that I was fixing. It was the stress that triggered me to smoke that I decided to fix. Baby steps I know. So Saturday as I sat with my friend that doesn’t smoke, I looked in my pack, saw there were about 9 cigarettes left and said when I smoke the last one I will be done. Being accountable and putting it out there is my way of sticking to it. I’m not going to lie, sitting here writing about smoking sure does make me want one, but it’s not such a strong feeling without the stress backing it up. So it’s easier to just push it aside. This is such a huge step for me because I’m letting go of things I really have no control over. I’m sure there are going to be days when the stress trigger still gets to me but I can find a better more productive way to deal with it. You know you can train your brain to create these habits in the first place, so it’s possible to retrain your brain to react differently to the same trigger. I read a great book about habits and how to identify triggers and all that. The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, a really good read if you’re trying to understand how habit forming works and how to possibly break some bad ones.
Another habit I am letting go of is drinking. I’m not a huge drinker by nature, but I can put some liquid away in the right environment. Usually it leads to too much flirting and bad judgment, so I really try hard not to be in those types of situations.The times that I have been that bad are very far and few between but it doesn’t matter. The impact from one wrong choice while in that state can last a lifetime and have an impact so huge it could leave you feeling like you’ve been sucked into a black hole. The drinking has been much easier to let go of. I’ve had a bottle of Fireball (my drink of choice) sitting in the fridge for several weeks now; I’ve had one shot of it. I had a bottle of wine sitting in the fridge since June, I finally poured it out. I bought a six pack of Black Butter Porter, which is my favorite beer, it’s been sitting at a friends house for about three weeks now. I’ve had three beers from it and only actually finished one full bottle. So I realize the drinking was not something I was doing because I wanted to do it. I drank because it was a habit. I drank to fit in. I drank because someone told me I was more fun when I drank and no fun when I didn’t. I can’t be fun all the time, oh well. I have to be a grown up sometimes. Actually, I am quite fun without the alcohol, I just forgot that I could be. Left to my own devices I don’t feel an urge or need to drink, when I’m out with other people that are drinking it’s a little tougher. We’ll see how it goes, in any case having one drink and being done will probably suit me fine. Anyway just needed to get it all out.
Have a fabulous day!! Rain, rain, go away….bring me some SUNSHINE!