I have been reading a fantastic book that I just happened to pick up called “Code To Joy”. I wasn’t looking for it but it kinda popped out at me as I was browsing around the book I was looking for. The universe must have known what I needed because this book has allowed me to do something I haven’t been able to do on my own. It has allowed me to release myself…from myself somewhat, I’m not all the way there yet. I know that sounds strange but it’s not as strange as you might think.
If you’ve ever tried to do something that was new to you or that you just weren’t sure about you know that sometimes you get the little voice in your head or that feeling in your chest that something is wrong. You’re scared, feel anxious, that fear and doubt comes creeping in and you can feel it. You can feel it like you can feel your stomach growling when you’re hungry. I have felt that feeling for a long time. It was to the point where it was a constant, always in the back ground. It’s very a very exhausting feeling and it can suck the life out of you.
Well what I realized after reading was that I was the one causing this feeling. Or actually my elephant (subconscious) was causing this. All of the things that were ingrained in me at a young age were sabotaging anything I was trying to do now. Because I had learned very young that I wasn’t good enough, I was slow, I was lazy, had no ambition…and that is what my inner self believed. So when I tried something new, even if I was super excited about it, there was always something deep down that would say “nope, you’re not good enough to be successful at that, you’re going to fail, quit trying” and I would. I would TRY for a little bit and then I was done. Even if I had been successful. For me that very physical feeling just engulfed me and swallowed me and I drowned in my misguided inner beliefs. When my conscious (flea) is telling me I can do something or I deserved that success my subconscious elephant was telling me otherwise.
WoW! For me realizing this was huge! But what was even bigger and better was when I started doing the exercises in the book, I began to feel a shift. For once something finally worked. I don’t even care that it was a small shift, all I know is that something changed, and I have been looking for this change almost my whole life. I am still going through the book and adding on the different exercises. I am doing the exercises I have learned, on a daily basis. I don’t think anyone even knows what I’m doing lol. But the feeling I feel now is VIBRANT. It’s the only word that comes to mind. I still feel a little of the dread, but mostly it’s the vibrancy, and that feels amazing.
Well I gotta go on a treasure hunt with my little ones…Have a fabulous day, thanks for reading.
BTW your elephant is not listening to your flea, your flea is just along for the ride.